Tuesday, October 14, 2008

TMI Tuesday "Let's talk about sex baby!"

To Much Information

So, the other day I told a story about my 4 year old, Noah. He was talking about Emma from school and said ‘I am going to marry, have babies, do sex, I love her.’

I decided on Sunday night that I would talk to Christopher about what he thought sex was. After dinner Bethany and Noah went to the back to watch TV. Chris was working on the floor in the hall. Christopher and I were cleaning up the kitchen.

Me: So, Christopher I wanted to talk to you about what was said at dinner the other night.
Christopher: Uh?
Me: This is when I repeated the conversation from the other night.
Christopher: Oh
Me: I was wondering what you thought sex was?
Christopher: I I I I
Me: Listen it is okay for us to talk about this now.
Christopher: I don’t really know. It is having babies
Me: Well yes but what else do you know about sex?
Christopher: (he says nothing he is just looking way to shocked) then he says a person can get popped in the mouth for saying this kind of stuff.
Me: No one is going to pop you in the mouth. There is no wrong answer to this question. I just want you to be honest. Are you uncomfortable?
Christopher: Yes
Me: Would you rather talk to me or Daddy about this?
Christopher: (very quickly) you
Me: Okay I told you the other night that we were going to talk about it. So what do you think sex is?
Christopher: Well I know you have to get in the bed.
Me: Okay what else.
Christopher: I can’t say
Me: It’s okay go ahead.
Christopher: You have to be that thing that you are when you are getting your pajamas on.
Me: (looking confused) you mean naked
Christopher: yeah that. I can’t say that word.
Me: anything else.
Christopher: no
This is where I give him the following spill
1 Sex is something you do after you get married
2 it is not appropriate to talk about this at school, or to Bethany, Noah, Jonathon, Jackson, Madi, Emma Mae, Ethan, and Mackenzie.
3 any time you have questions you can talk to me or Daddy.

Christopher: I am not talking to anyone.

After this went so well I decided that maybe I need to find out what Bethany knew about sex.
In comes Bethany to get her ice cream out of the fridge.
Me: Bethany I wanted to talk to you about a conversation that happened the other day at the dinner table. (I repeated the conversation from the other day) (When I said the word sex her eyes became as big as saucers.
Me: What I wanted to know today is what do you think sex is?

Bethany: (doesn’t say anything. She just looks at me like I am going to start flipping out any minute. She looks really scared.)
Me: It is okay you can tell me.
Bethany: (she whispers) sex
Me: Yes what do you think sex is?
Bethany: I don’t know
Me: Have you ever heard that word before
Bethany: yes
Me: did you hear it from me, or Daddy
Bethany: no
Me: did you hear it from one of the other kids?
Bethany: no
Me: It’s okay. Did you hear it from music?
Bethany: yes
Me: What song?
Bethany:When I Grow Up. (then she starts to quietly sing it) boys call you sexy and you don’t care what they say.
Me: Okay. What do you think they mean by that.
Bethany: I don’t know
Me: Well sexy is when girls don’t wear a lot of clothes.
Bethany: like when they wear their bra
Me: yes, sometimes they wear short skirts
Bethany: yeah and their butt is hanging out
Me: yes they are trying to be sexy.
Bethany: (standing with hand motions) sometimes they wear a dress and the whole back is gone and you can almost see their butt.
Me: yes. Okay that is sexy but do you know what sex is.
Bethany: no (eating her ice cream)
Me: Well it is when a boy and girl get in the bed naked.
Bethany: (eyes very wide)
Me: they do this after they are married.
Bethany: You don’t have to do you?
Me: No you don’t have to, but if you want to have babies you have to.
Bethany: eeewwww! You did that with Daddy.
Me: yes, you do that and then you have a baby. That’s how we have you and Noah.
Bethany: You know I almost died when I was a baby.
Me: yes I know. How did you think the baby got there?
Bethany: I just thought it grew in your tummy.
Me: Well it does but you had to do something to get it there.
Bethany: Mama eeewww that means Daddy did that with Kayla’s mom, Ms. Debbie, and Christopher’s mom.
Me: (shocked) yes Bethany it does.
Bethany: Daddy had 6 kids.
Chris: You don’t have a baby every time.
Me: Please Chris not now.
Me: Bethany now if you have any questions I want you to know you can talk to me.
Bethany: Okay, if you are not here can I just call you and ask you.
Me: No just call me and tell me you need to have a talk with just us.
Bethany: what if you are really sick?
Me: Well you can talk to Daddy.
Bethany: What if Daddy is really sick too?
Me: Well you can ask Lynsey, or you can talk to Grandma and hope that she doesn’t have a stroke.
Me: Bethany you can talk to Aunt Harmony, Aunt Amanda, or Aunt Courtney just make sure the other little kids aren’t around.

I really wanted to die. I don’t know how I got through this. With Christopher I think he knows more that he would say. I just don’t think he was comfortable. He’ll come around.
With Bethany I can’t tell her anymore right now because any vague information she will apparently put together.

I do know this. They both know that it is an open subject and they can talk to me.

I had the sex talk with Andrew when he turned 12. Chris and I took him to the temple for the first time. After the temple we went to the Olive Garden. I said I was going to order a grilled chicken breast, and he said I know what a breast is. Then most of the way home Chris and I answered questions about sex.
I have a open relationship with the girls and we have discussed sex a few times. A couple of times alone and a couple of times it was all three of us.

I remember when I got my first sex talk from my Mom. It was right after we found out one of the cousins were going to have a baby. I had some questions. She answered them. She wanted us to feel comfortable talking to her about those types of things.


Amanda said...

I think you're doing a great job. As uncomfortable as it was it's better that it's you and not a random stranger. I don't think you hear often enough what a great stepmom and mimi you are. You give yourself too hard of a time. You're a great parent and I am so not looking foward to my convos when they need to happen.

gigi said...

Good Job, little mama! AT least the door is open and now when the kids want to talk about it they know that you are open to doing so! Wow.

kathy said...

So, Echo, does this mean if I have any questions I can ask you????

My parents never talked about sex with us--I think you are very brave, and the sad thing is, you now have to start at such a young age because of all the outside sources.

Good Luck!


Echo's Karen said...

This scares the bejesus out of me!!! I am nowhere near ready to admit to mine that it is more than a special hug between a mommy and daddy that lets God know that they want a baby. The sad thing is that Hope will be putting it together too soon that the "animal hug" that daddy was giving mommy that night she came into their room ....well, I am still trying to pretend that didn't happen. You did a great job...glad you get to do all of this hard stuff before me...get really good at it before I get a chance to mess mine up!! (if I haven't already, that is...) Thanks!!