Wednesday, April 16, 2008

TMI Tuesday #2 This is my brother Jimmy.

He was who he was.

Okay so lets see were do I begin??

My mom had three children.

Me - Echo born in 1975

My sister - Harmony born in 1977

My brother - James III born in 1979

My mom was a good mom. My dad was a good dad. I really believe they did the best they knew how to do at the time they did it. My brother died April 15, 1998. That was 10 years ago. He was 19 years old. I will leave the actual account of the moments before he died for Lisa to tell. Even though I think I could relay it word for word. I am going to talk about all the other things that bring us to Lisa's point. I do not know if anyone will read this and I don't care either way. I am writing this for selfish reasons.My brother really had a hard life. I think for the most part the things that made my brothers life so hard were his own fault. Isn't that the way with everyone. I mean look at me and my weight. My weight makes things in my life hard but my weight is my own fault.

Anyway, my brother was kind of the black sheep of the family. My brother did a lot of things in his life that my family did not approve of.

However, my brother also did a lot of things that I am very proud of. My brother would never rat anyone out. Even if it meant he was accused, and/or punished. That showed great loyalty and great strength.

Lets see were do I begin.

Well Jimmy turned 18 in Feb. 1997. He was already dating Lisa. He dropped out of school I think he was 16 when he dropped out. My brother was never good at the whole studying and book thing. He had aproblem with rules and regulations. He had a lot of on again off again jobs. You know the jack of all trades master of none. He also grew, did, and sold drugs. He had quite the green thumb. Anyway, my brother told the family he had a lump on his privates around Thanksgiving 1997. At this time he knew about it for awhile. We tried to pressure him to go to the Doctors and have it looked at, but he didn't want anyone messing around down there.To be so young and so stupid. By New Years it had swollen and was causing discomfort. He finally agreed to have someone look at it. He went to the doctor on a Monday in Jan. and by that same Thursday they removed it. It was testicular cancer. They thought they had it all but couldn't be sure because they had seen a blood line. My brother was to have more tests in 3 months to see.

At the end of three months they told him he still had cancer and they wanted to start him on Chemo right away. At this point he had a largelump behind his stomach and they feared it was spreading to his lymphoid(sp?).

So, that day he went to the doctors with Lisa and got the news...That weekend before this I went and stayed with my boyfriend. I really believe everything happens for a reason. I would have never left if the following didn't happen.

I drive down to thevideo store. When I get back he says 'your mom called' I say 'so' Hesays 'you need to call your mom' I said 'I don't care what she has tosay' He says 'I didn't want to be the one to tell you but your brother was at the doctors and the cancer is back'. I got up packed my clothes as quickly as I could and went home.I knew my family would not be able to handle it. When I got home they told me Jimmy would go to the hospital the next day and start treatment. I started calling the rest of the family which at the time my mom says was stupid. A couple of the Aunts and Uncles came by to visit. Then at about midnight I drove Jimmy to the hospital and stayed until 4:30am and then went home. Looking back I guess it was weird that I was the one that took him but then again I guess it wasn't.

So for the next week I got up in the morning got to the hospital after breakfast and left when he went to sleep for the night. We took stickers so he could pass them out to the nurses. (So when wearrived at the hospital we would know which one was his nurse) We bought him some really cool underwear with different designs like faces and stuff on them. We also bought him really cool bandanas for when he lost his hair.We hung a poster in his room of an alien with tye dyed clothes on holding up to fingers making the peace sign. Everyone that came to visit signed the poster. The idea was that every time he went into the hospital we would hang a new poster to be signed along with the old ones so by the end of the treatments he could feel the love coming off the walls.

My brother left the hospital at the end of the week to start the out patient chemo. He was so sick. I wasn't working at the time so I stayed home with him. I took him to his appointments and talked to him about things no one else wanted to face. Like 50% chance of having kids...ect.

I remember trying to explain to him how to use a suppository. He was sick so much so the doctor gave a prescription for them for the sickness. He would try so hard to keep the food down so not to have asuppository.Any way, Wednesday morning.....He woke up and told my mom that he was hungry. My mom was going to be late but she made him some eggs. When I got up he told me he ate breakfast and was able to keep it down. I was going to go to town and fight with the medical assistance people about his medication so Lisa came up to be with him. So, I left....The day went well. The medical assistance people were sorry and they were also going to give Jimmy money and food stamps while he was sick. I was so glad that he ate his breakfast that I went to Wal-Mart and bought him a bunch of his favorite drinks, and snacks thinking that he would eat junk if nothing else. When I was driving down the street to our house I saw an ambulance with the lights off driving crazy but didn't pay it any mind.When I got home Lisa's car was in the drive way. When I got to the backdoor it was wide open and the chest from the hallway was in the kitchen.I started yelling what are you kids doing? Then I walked down the hall and something wasn't right there was all this sunlight coming from the living room, and we always kept the blinds closed? I walk into the living room and I see all these EMT wrappers everywhere and I start yelling what is going on? The phone rings....My uncle says come down here to the shop and pick up your dad. They just took Jimmy to the hospital. The shop is at the bottom of the driveway. I pick up dad and we do not say a word. I drive us to the hospital as fast as my car will take us. (Looking back why didn't my dad drive?)As we are driving to the hospital my sister flys by us in her car so I drive right behind her passing everything in sight. We end up passing Grandma and Pap who do not know what is going on but they get behind us. Then we all pass my Aunt Julie who was on her way to the kids school but she ends up following right behind us as well. So here we are 5 cars driving crazy to get to the hospital. When we get to the hospital my mom and Lisa were already there and in alittle room. They ask all of us to wait in this little room.

The doctor comes in and says Blah Blah Blah we did all we could dobut he didn't make it.

My mother throws herself onto her back and starts kicking her feet in the air and screaming. I can still hear those screams as I am writing this.

My sister is crying and repeating I didn't see him for Easter.

I got up walked to the pay phone and made a collect call to my grandma 2 hours away.

I said 'Grandma I need you to sit down'

Grandma said 'what's wrong'

I said 'Grandma are you sitting?'

She said 'yes'

Then I told her.

She starts crying saying 'My Jimmy my Jimmy he's gone'

I can still hear that in my head as I write this.

I miss you Jimmy. I miss playing video games all night even though you would only let me be the map reader. I miss all the other memories I have from when we were kids like, camping at Tub Run, Camping at Lake Erie, sled riding, kick ball in the front yard, card games (Hearts, Spades, Phase 10), I miss watching you and mom playing Chess.

I hate to say this but I miss the fighting. We were the worst. We fought like cats and dogs. The slaps, the kicks, the punches, and the punishments.

I miss the chores we did and hated like, cutting the grass, taking out the garbage, picking rock, and bringing in the fire wood.

I am so sad that you were gone before you could be in my wedding, gone before you could hold my children, gone before Harmony started the family reunions,

There is so much that we didn't do that we should have when we had the chance.

I am thinking of you today.

I celebrate you today.

I say a prayer today that God will keep you until we meet again.


Harmony said...

I knew what today was and to me it is not tax day. It is a day of remembering. The sadness. This day I cry and on his birthday I celebrate. I'm not sure why. After reading this I am struggling even typing as the tears fall. It was so sad then and so much more now. But to add to that day. I had been in meetings all day at work and the hotel operator had a very hard time finding me on property. When they dad they told me that I needed to get to the hospital right away but didn ot know why. Now I knew my brother was sick but they told me he was doing great that day. My husband was working on a side job working a chain saw. If you knew my husband then you would have been worried to. I really thought in my mind while leaving the hotel that my husband was hurt. I made my way out to the parkinglot and you would never guess. I had the best parking spot there was. I had gone in early that day so I had the first spot. The bad part was it was pay day and someone had parked behindme and blocked me in while they ran in to get their pay check. To this day I can remember the mans face when I was screming and flipping out when he came out to leave and move his car. I can say I have done it but not since this. So I drove like a crazy person and passing my father and Echo I wondered why they were following me. When I go there I found out why... Thats all I can really share right now.

Amanda said...

There's nothing I can say. Keep sharing the memories of him and that will keep him alive in all of our hearts. Love you.

gigi said...

Thanks for sharing the rest of the story. I knew most of it you just added the sad details. How hard that must still be for your family. I can't even begin to understand to know your pain.

One thing that I did learn is that you were born the year that I graduated from High School. Boy do I feel old today!

Keep bloggin...

GoodyGang said...

Thank you for sharing his story, I hope you are all well.